Gashman the Uncontrollable

An anonymous sender had a problem with his sexual preference. GASHMAN TO THE RESCUE:

Hi Gashman. I have a problem. I'm a recognized member of a rather large internet community (over 15,000 members) and just recently I decided to give them big news. I personally e-mailed the regular members and confessed that I was, in fact, gay. As soon as I did this I got scared though. I got worried that I wouldn't be looked at thhe same way anymore. I went onto my personal webpage and changed it and fabricated a story about how someone hijacked my e-mail account and sent out that mail to them all. I feel bad that I'm lying to everyone, but at the same time I don't want to tell them the truth. What should I do Gashman?!

Gashman knows the score:

Gashman has quick but wise words for you, sir:

"ADMIT YOUR PROBLEM TO GASHMAN, AND HE WILL SAVE YOU FROM THE DARKNESS AND BRING YOU INTO THE FIERY DEPTHS OF THE SUN, WHERE YOU WILL BURN AND SUFFER UNTIL YOUR BODY EVAPORATES INTO THE SEED-SWALLOWING GASES THAT YOU WERE BORN FROM, INFIDEL."

I fellated myself whilst reading his mighty words.

Dan "Bag Duck" Hoy, Gashman Representative.

Jason Marks and drug abuse.

deer mr. gahs maen,

Gashman's Infinitely wise words were to his quick rescue, however:

Our mighty lord and saviour Gashman The Uncontrollable has decided to respond to your unimportant problem, especially in comparison to the universal dominance that Gashman accomplishes daily. The following is Gashman's very words on your relational problem, scum:

"JSAON MARKS, THOU HAST EMBARKED ON A PATH MANY OTHER YOUNG SEED-DRINKERS HAVE FOLLOWED. YOUR WENCH MUST BE BEATEN TO A PULP WITH THE PENIS OF A BEHEMOTH ANIMAL, PERHAPS THE GREY TUBED MAMMAL THE DOLPHIN WORSHIPPERS CALL, "ELEPHANT". ONCE THE WENCH IS LEAKING BLOOD AND OTHER SALTY LIQUIDS, YOU MUST REMOVE HER EYES WITH THINE TEETH, AND DEFECATE IN THE HOLES.

THIS IS TRULY THE ONLY SALVATION SHE HAS, FROM THE MANY TEMPTATIONS SHE SUFFERS FROM EVERYDAY, SUCH AS, "POT, LSD, PCP" AND "METH". HER PHYSICAL BLINDNESS WILL OPEN HER SPIRITUAL EYES, SO SHE MAY SEE THE BLINDING LIGHT OF GASHMAN'S FIERY TENTACLES WHICH WILL END UP BLINDING HER SPIRITUALLY TOO, SO SHE'LL BE PRETTY FUCKED."

The infinitely wise words of Gashman send me sprawling into several consecutive orgasms.

Ask Gashman the Uncontrollable!

Gay man seeking help.

Jason Marks and drug abuse.